or Parents have pity on your children
or Kids I feel sorry for
Théophile (show me a Théophobe and I'll take this off the list)
Enola (reminds me of Ebola virus)
Salomé (reminds me of salami)
These are kids I actually know, sometimes a few of them with the same name. Some of them (like Salomé and Capucine) are even the "trendy" names of the moment, comparable to the likes of Madison, McKenzie, Dakota, Montana, Pace, and other ridiculousness in the US. I feel really sorry for Hippolyte. Good thing he's not fat, otherwise we know what his nickname would be...
or the French version...